


One More Year Gone

by Amikotsu



Category: Naruto
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Feels, Birthday Presents, Grief/Mourning, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Longing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Please Don't Hate Me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28230555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amikotsu/pseuds/Amikotsu
Summary: Obito stared at the small cupcake sitting in the center of his right palm. The icing was chocolate, finished with a quick flourish on the top, with tiny, colorful sprinkles. He didn’t know why Kakashi left the cupcake at the memorial stone, or how the teen had managed to bake and decorate something so delicate. Obito almost felt bad for the boy—man, he corrected himself, as they were both nineteen and certainly not children, not anymore. Kakashi visited the stone everyday, beginning with the morning routine, and Obito met him everyday, concealed within the trees, content to watch and wait for something he didn’t quite know.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Obito, Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito
Comments: 7
Kudos: 98
Collections: Naruto/Boruto Secret Santa 2020





	1. Chapter 1

Obito stared at the small cupcake sitting in the center of his right palm. The icing was chocolate, finished with a quick flourish on the top, with tiny, colorful sprinkles. He didn’t know why Kakashi left the cupcake at the memorial stone, or how the teen had managed to bake and decorate something so delicate. Obito almost felt bad for the boy—man, he corrected himself, as they were both nineteen and certainly not children, not anymore. Kakashi visited the stone everyday, beginning with the morning routine, and Obito met him everyday, concealed within the trees, content to watch and wait for something he didn’t quite know. Kakashi remembered little things about him, little things he never thought the man had noticed, little things no one else had taken the time to notice. Kakashi surprised him, and those moments made him forget the anger and frustration that typically clouded his mind. February brought cold mornings, but Kakashi never failed to show, at least when he was within the village. Kakashi had changed, just as Obito had changed, and it made it hard for Obito to hate him. After all, Kakashi had remembered his birthday, despite the years that had passed, and he suspected Kakashi would always remember, every year, for the rest of their lives.

Obito stayed there, waiting, for almost an hour. He listened to Kakashi talk about a recent mission to the Land of Iron, how he’d nearly lost a teammate, but he’d successfully led his team straight out of hell and to Konoha’s gates. Kakashi, somber, quiet, apologized and promised to remember him, and he promised that he would remember, if nothing else. There were so many opportunities to reclaim his eye, but he couldn’t do it. The Obito he used to be had given that eye to Kakashi, and he honored that boy’s last wishes, They’d been through hell, both of them, and Obito knew that, knew he couldn’t hold onto the anger fueled by grief and a perceived betrayal, but damn did he try. Kakashi was trash, would always be trash, but Obito felt as if he owned that trash, and felt that if anyone would kill Kakashi, it would be him, and he would make sure of it. It was an unhealthy attachment, one he’d meant to sever, but their lives were forever intertwined, something Zetsu didn’t understand, didn’t _care_ to understand. 

He was nineteen when he realized his unhealthy attachment came with an undercurrent of love, one that easily swept him away. The opposite of love wasn’t hate, the opposite of love was indifference, and he’d never felt indifferent. So he took that cupcake left for him and spent the better part of the afternoon just staring at the paper cupcake liner with small dogs on it. He was twenty, even if he didn’t feel twenty. Someone had once told him that trauma stopped the development, freezing it, freezing him, and he couldn’t help but agree. He was frozen. Kakashi was frozen. And the beautiful cupcake urged him to continue with his life, to chase a new purpose, but the cupcake was for a dead man, and he certainly wasn’t dead, not yet.

“Sorry I’m late,” Kakashi greeted him later, after the sun had gone down. The cupcake was gone, consumed before sunset, but Obito couldn’t bring himself to leave. Some nights, Kakashi returned to the stone; some nights, Obito lingered. “I leave tomorrow. I won’t be back for two weeks, if things go according to plan. I’m in deep right now, and I’m not sure where to go from here,” Kakashi continued, hand rubbing at the back of his neck. Obito watched Kakashi’s rigid posture slowly unravel to reveal his insecurities. Obito wasn’t sure where to go either, which was why he lingered there, hoping that Kakashi would share the answer with him. Where did they go? Rock bottom seemed endless and increasingly lonely. “Maa, I’m sure you don’t care about it. Happy birthday, Obito.”

“Thank you, Kakashi.” And Obito vanished, leaving a bewildered Kakashi to try to make sense of the response. And he would go on to find that cupcake liner with bits of yellow cake still stuck to the paper. It wasn’t an ideal birthday, but he was happy to share it with Kakashi. Another birthday between them.


	2. Chapter 2

September wasn’t like February, where the village wasn’t quite sure whether it was winter or spring. Things had changed in the few months following Obito’s birthday. More names had been added to the memorial stone, though none of them were from Kakashi’s team. Brave, every one of them, and too young, always too young. The life of a shinobi was hard, even at the best of times, and Obito often wondered what his life would have been like if he hadn’t given in to pressure from his clan. Being Hokage meant nothing to him anymore. He knew what it meant to be Hokage. He was older, wiser, and the position had lost its appeal. He’d wanted recognition and adoration, things that still mattered, but to a lesser degree. Kakashi mattered. Maybe that was the problem. Attachments held him back. The love he’d had for Rin had faded into something dark and sinister, the root of all his problems. She was dead and gone, a corpse or ashes, but Kakashi remained, enduring. So when Obito met Kakashi at the memorial stone, he had every intention of staying, waiting until the daylight died, because he remembered Kakashi’s birthday too. Every September was the same.

Obito couldn’t bake to save his life, but he’d tried. When Kakashi arrived at the stone, he arrived to find a lopsided cupcake with too much buttercream frosting and a small number twenty adorning the top. He knew Kakashi didn’t care for sweets, but the gesture meant much more than that. It didn’t matter if Kakashi ate the cupcake or not; it mattered if Kakashi understood the feelings behind the gesture. There was no grand reveal for Obito, no moment when he stepped out of the shadows to chase what he found he wanted most. Kakashi looked around, clearly contemplating what to do with the cupcake, before he bent down and retrieved the treat. 

“Hm. I guess this must be for me,” Kakashi noted, still looking around for signs of someone. Hidden behind his orange mask, Obito watched the man slowly peel the liner from the cupcake, then give the cupcake a quick sniff, as if trying to detect poison. What kind of a murderer left a lopsided, poisoned cupcake for an elite shinobi? “I don’t care for sweets.”

“Just shut up and eat the damn cupcake.”

“Ah, so there _is_ someone there. Where could you be?” Kakashi did a dramatic turn around and squinted at the trees, then he pointed to the tree where Obito hid. By the time he moved, Obito had relocated, which began a tiring game of cat and mouse. “Why are you running away?”

“Stop being so curious and eat your poisoned cupcake,” Obito huffed, frowning behind his mask. He wasn’t going to have a meeting with the man, had no intention of facing the man, so the cat-and-mouse game continued until he eventually used kamui, leaving Kakashi with an empty hiding place. Obito only assumed Kakashi had eaten the cupcake. That was enough for him.


	3. Chapter 3

New Year’s day brought snow to the village, something that rarely occurred. With most of the leaves gone and the branches bare, Obito had nowhere to hide, so he didn’t bother. Disguised, he stood before the memorial stone and searched for his name, something he’d done dozens of times over the past years. He knew Kakashi carried a lot of guilt and sadness, but he had the same burden. He blamed himself for Rin’s death too. He blamed himself for his situation. And he wondered what his life would have been like if he hadn’t saved Kakashi’s life. No Madara. No Zetsu. No plans. Just Rin and Minato-sensei and Kushina-nee. Just endless opportunities and hours spent at the memorial stone, blaming himself for failing Kakashi. There wasn’t a right choice, had never been a right choice, and it would likely take a lifetime to accept it. His name didn’t belong on that stone, so he set his hard gaze on his name and willed it to disappear.

“I didn’t know anyone else would be here,” Kakashi interrupted him. Hands in his pockets, looking dead on his feet, Kakashi looked between Obito and the memorial stone, as if trying to decide whether to stay or go. 

“Other people _do_ come here. You think you’re the only one chasing ghosts?”

“I wouldn’t call it that. I’d call it honoring or remembering or thanking.”

“I’d call that bullshit.”

Kakashi hummed, then he moved to stand beside Obito, eyes straying from Obito’s disguised face to the stone. They didn’t speak. There was no friendship formed there, no reigniting of a flame between them, just the snow and the wind and the cold seeping into their bones. Soon, Obito would turn twenty-one, and then Kakashi would hit that mark. Every year, they grew older, both of them knowing shinobi rarely retired. It was likely they’d both die during a mission, and Obito had accepted it. Kakashi seemed to have accepted it much sooner than he did. But that was trauma, wasn’t it? Or maybe it was depression. All they did was spend their days running away from their demons. And while Obito knew Kakashi was home and safe and very much alive, that did nothing to stop the ache. One day, Kakashi wouldn’t return, and then Obito would have nothing left but the chunk of rock before him and endless emptiness.

They were running out of time, for forgiveness, for acknowledgment, for hugs and kisses and love, and Obito watched the years tick by, the only one aware of the fact that he could bridge the distance between them and they could create something beautiful. What if. What if he did? There was a chance that Kakashi wouldn’t return his feelings. There was a chance Kakashi would feel betrayed; in fact, Obito would be shocked if the man _didn’t_ feel betrayed. Cheeks reddened, eyes stinging, Obito stood there in the cold wind, willing his name to disappear just as much as he willed Kakashi to _notice him_. 

“How long have you been out here?” Kakashi didn’t turn to look at him, so Obito kept his gaze on the stone. It was uncommon for two people to mourn at the same time, so Obito wondered if Kakashi felt uncomfortable. The man was so closed off, even then, and Obito felt the same way about himself.

“That depends. What time is it?”

“I don’t know.”

“That was a stupid question then, wasn’t it?”

“It’s too early to be so hostile,” Kakashi replied, a mocking smile hidden beneath his mask. Obito turned his narrowed eyes on the man, then sighed, his breath a small, white cloud between them. “You should go inside. It’s too cold out.” Obito said nothing, so Kakashi looked up at the dark clouds in the sky. “Happy New Year.” And he turned to go, leaving Obito there, wanting, waiting. 

“Happy New Year, Kakashi.”

One more year gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Holidays! I was a secret santa this year! Hope you like it! :)


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